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Domestic Violence: What Every Pastor Needs to Know, by Al Miles
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Domestic violence is as ancient as the family unit itself. And according to the American Medical Association, one quarter of American women will be abused by an intimate partner at some point in their lives. Ministers can help care for these victims. Loving and sensitive support can make a tremendous difference to survivors as they struggle with the long and difficult process of healing and regaining trust in themselves and others. Often, however, pastoral caregivers possess the same misconceptions about domestic violence as does the uninformed public. Miles addresses the issues related to inadequate pastoral response to this pervasive problem. He explores the dynamics of abusive relationships and the role which clergy members can take to heal this painful situation.
- Sales Rank: #682297 in Books
- Published on: 2000-01-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .48" w x 5.50" l, .62 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 212 pages
About the Author
Rev. Al Miles has served as hospital chaplain in a number of medical centers throughout the United States since 1981 and now coordinates the hospital ministry at The Queen's Medical Center in Hawaii. He is the author of articles on domestic abuse and has counseled victims and perpetrators for eighteen years.
Most helpful customer reviews
12 of 12 people found the following review helpful.
Clergy, Join the Committed Against Domestic Violence
By Sheldon H. Clark
"Equip the saints for ministry" (Ephesians 4:12) is the scriptural key to Domestic Violence: What Every Pastor Needs to Know, by the Reverend Al Miles. `The saints,' in this case are clergy. As an aside, just so that no one feels too sanctimonious about the `saint' appellation, Rev. Miles also included clergy as some of the perpetrators of domestic violence: "Perpetrators of domestic violence are everywhere; some even worship in and lead our churches" (127). Miles intention, however, was not to assign blame, but to elicit support from clergy in recognizing, dealing with (confession, repentance, forgiveness), and helping in the care of all victims of domestic abuse: perpetrators, target victims, and the peripherally affected. Clergy, by definition, should be part of the care-giving team composed of medical personnel, psychologists, and social workers, which respond to the complex consequences to domestic violence.
Miles suggested eight bullet points to direct clergy on how to become helpful in changing incidents of domestic violence into circumstances promoting domestic tranquility: (1) "Seek training; (2) Know your limits; (3) Avoid bringing the abuser together with the victim to `get at the truth'; (4) Be realistic; (5) Put the victim's safety first; (6) Hold him accountable; (7) Redirect his Scripture reading; and, (8) Hold out hope" (124-126). Miles pointed out an important truth: "Perpetrators of domestic violence can change, but few can do so without long-term commitment to work on their issues. Clergy and other pastoral ministers can assist abusers in this difficult but necessary process. Ministers must also be willing to work closely with professionals from a variety of other disciplines" (127-128). The professional key to dealing with domestic violence is work as a member of a professional team with the understanding of the need for long-term commitment!
Myth busting is part of the work of the clergy according to Miles. Where domestic violence is concerned the more obvious myths are: "#1 There are no abused women in my congregation; #2 Christian survivors need only faith, prayer, a positive attitude, and God to be freed from domestic violence; #3 Domestic violence occurs only in certain cultural, racial, and socioeconomic groups, and only in urban areas; #4 Victims can stop the battering by changing their behavior. This will save their marriages and families" (50-69). Statistics, case studies, sociological surveys, and psychological profiles put the lie to those myths.
The problem according to Miles is that clergy suffer from "denial" (166), "a sense of fear and helplessness" (169), "lack of appropriate training" (172), and "sexism" (174). By acknowledging these problems, by acquiring further specific education, and by working in conjunction with other appropriate professionals, clergy certainly would help rectify the current deplorable situation.
Domestic violence is not going to disappear on its own accord (185). The real issues of power and control, true authority, assignment of blaming, historic patterns of abuse/victimization, and personal duplicity need to be identified, broken down into manageable segments, and resolved for the domestic welfare and benefit of everyone concerned.
Rev. Miles presented compelling evidence, fascinating case histories, and thoughtful reflective questions in each of the six chapters to sustain interest and to invite the reader to acknowledge the wisdom of his approach in proposing solutions.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
A helpful look at Domestic Violence
By Randal R. Huber
Al Miles speaks powerfully and plainly to pastors about the important problem of domestic violence. Writing in an easily readable style, Miles asks why relatively few Christian pastors are effectively involved in the care of abused women and children. Many pastors are misinformed about the real issues and the best means of treatment. Miles suggests that pastors sometimes excuse abusive men while blaming their victims for their supposed roles in the abuse. He also suggests that the misapplication of certain biblical passages may predispose some pastors to this error. He debunks four key myths. "Myth #1:There are no abused women in my congregation" (2000:50). "Myth #2: Christian survivors need only faith, prayer, a positive attitude, and God to be freed from domestic violence" (2000:58). "Myth #3: Domestic violence occurs only in certain cultural, racial, and socioeconomic groups, and only in urban areas" (2000:60). "Myth #4: Victims can stop the battering by changing their behavior. This will save their marriages and families" (2000:67). Miles tells the stories of selected abuse victims. This stories clearly illustrate some of the challenges facing pastors as they seek to minister effectively to domestic violence victims. Utilizing his clinical expertise and research Miles addresses questions such as can abusers change and what is a proper understanding of forgiveness in the abusive context. Miles shares practical wisdom to aid pastors in properly handling domestic abuse. In Appendix B he includes a list of state coalitions to aid the pastor in ministering in domestic violence situations. Al Miles has done a credible job in this book. I recommend it.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
FINALLY . . .
By Kathryn Warner
Finally, someone has given victims and survivors a voice! Rev. Miles does an excellent job of addressing abuse within the church that has been perpetrated both, from the pulpit or from the inactions of leadership. Miles does not skirt the issues but challenges clergy of both genders to confront the myths, faulty theology, false beliefs and teachings that have perpetuated abuse within congregations. Rev. Miles' first hand knowledge of the inadequacies of clergy motived him to develop and give seminars to equip pastors.
He accomplishes this by applying truth to four myths. The myths are:
1)There are no abused women in my congregation.
2)Christian survivors need only faith, prayers, and a positive attitude, and God to be freed from domestic violence.
3)Domestic violence occurs only in certain cultural, racial, and socioeconomic groups, and only in urban areas.
4)Victims can stop the battering by changing their behavior and this will save their marriages and families (50-69).
Rev. Miles' work is invaluable for two of reasons. First, he helps pastors who wrestle with theological issues. Miles clarifies such issues as headship and submission, the hierarchy of the family, the relationship between man and woman, forgiveness, and the grounds for divorce. And he focuses on the responsibilities of pastors to educate their congregations in dealing with the victims of domestic violence, including the perpetrators and their children.
Second, as this awareness increases in pastors and congregations, victims, who turn to their pastors more than to any other resource, will finally receive the understanding, counseling, and moral support they need to improve their circumstances.
Miles is utterly convinced and convincing that teamwork is the only solution to domestic violence. "Even with proper domestic violence education and training, which many ministers do not have, ministers (or those in any other discipline) would still be taking a risk to act as lone rangers when it comes to caring for battered women. Victims need not only spiritual support, but also the emotional, financial, legal, physical, and psychological care of individuals with a wide range of expertise" (71).
He analyzes the reluctance of pastors to become involved. He finds five underlying reasons, " . . . denial, fear and helplessness, lack of appropriate training, sexism, and the fact that some clergy are themselves perpetrators of domestic abuse" (166). Miles discusses these reasons in depth. Collaborating with other professionals helps "victims break the isolation and provides them with options for achieving safety in their lives," (72) giving victims the sense of control they need.
Miles addresses the inaction of both clergymen and clergywomen. He says, " . . . their inaction has actually contributed to the violence perpetrated against women and their children" (168). And clergywomen, by choosing to believe " . . . that since most of the perpetrators of violence against women and children are males, it's up to male pastors and other men to `fix the problem' are actually helping abused women to remain victims" (168).
I highly recommend this book to anyone seeking to know the truth of how and why domestic violence has been and is still perpetrated within the walls of the Christian church.
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